Divorce is never fun or easy when it comes to kids, even when both parties promise to keep it civil and not fight in front of the kids. Whether you fight or not, divorce comes with a lot of emotions and there will be times when the emotions and discussions can get a little ugly. It is not always clear what effect divorce will have on a child however one thing is clear, seeing your parents always at each other is not a good thing.
When it comes to your children and divorce, it is very important that both sides keep the children’s best interest always at the forefront and that their emotions of separation are recognized. First, your children will still have two parents long after the divorce is over. From the day they were born they have loved and enjoyed their time with both of you so try to respect that bond and never use the children to punish the other parent; that is simply cruel and wrong. No matter how ugly things get between the two of you, your children should never be used as a pawn in divorce. A good family law firm or top-rated divorce attorney or lawyer most likely advise you on this, however they are not child psychologists and often they are not aware of the situation. Divorce is hard enough on kids, and it seems common sense to not fight in front of them however it happens all too often; don’t make it worse by fighting in front of them- just refrain or take it elsewhere.
Second, divorce is not an easy time for kids. Children do not like change and whether they like it or not suddenly one parent is no longer a part of their every day world; this is never easy no matter what the circumstances are so try your best to ease the pain. If the family house needs to be sold, they will also need to deal with moving out, and even possibly changing schools if they do not end up living in the same school district.
Too much change can be hard for children to mentally cope with, especially for younger children who have not yet learned how to verbalize their emotions. When you are too busy fighting or preoccupied with the divorce your child could develop issues and show signs of anxiety and stress. This can then turn into trouble sleeping, excessive emotional outbursts, trouble with school, friends and much more.
No matter what the circumstances of your divorce are, you children well being is effected by the way you behave in front of them; please for their sake try to remember that you and your spouse are adults and try to always act as such. While there is no doubt that you are hurting, there is no reason to intentionally make your kids hurt also. Life is short and a divorce is a short phase in life that can have lasting repercussions on your most precious asset- your children! So for their sake…keep it civil and put them first!
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